Bittersweet

My Aunt J died today. She was such a sweet woman with such a kind heart. I miss her already.

-----

We don't have to come back to OH before the wedding. We got webcourses, so we can teach from home!

-----

We leave today for WV. The big countdown begins.

It's really quiet right now

I just finished printing and folding about 1/4 of the programs for the wedding. They turned out much better than I expected. I'm really satisfied with the way they look. Now, I'm trying to decide whether or not to include a small brown ribbon on each program's cover. :/

-------

I had another wedding nightmare last night. It seems like I have had one every night for the past few weeks. Anyway, in last night's dream I at least made it through the ceremony. For some reason, in this dream, I had another outfit for the reception. It was a purple, off-the-shoulder, floor-length, satin dress. It was BEAUTIFUL despite not matching the wedding colors. Unfortunately, I left the dress in the church after the ceremony and when I turned back to get it, the doors were locked. I banged and banged and couldn't get in. I was not supposed to show up to the reception in the ceremony attire, but I didn't want to go home and put on jeans, so I waited and waited. The pastor of the church was golfing, so I couldn't get the key from him. Somehow, I saw a flash of him at the golfcourse, but I had no way to contact him. I ran, by myself (no car in sight... and N was already at the reception) all the way to the hall, but when I got there, everyone was leaving. I had missed it. And all of the guests were furious with me.

-------

I'm sure, if you are from the area that you've heard about the newborn baby boy that was left in a park restroom in a cardboard box. When I hear these stories, I feel ill. I have been having a really hard time lately. The wedding is approaching and I'm thinking a lot about this new "family" that N and I are creating. I die a little when I think about these women that have the opportunity to create a life, but then throw it all away, sometimes literally. Especially when there are so many women who would cut off their arms to have that opportunity. N and I were picking through his baby photos the other day trying to find some for the wedding video and I started crying. It hurt so much to see that little boy - that sweet blonde hair, that ornery smile, those skinny legs - and know that I will never know whether our child would look "just like daddy at that age" and it hurts even more to think that I am taking that away from N too. I cry every day lately. Amidst all this happiness - in the middle of all this planning - in these quiet moments, I break down.

Things that are wrong.

1. N's car's service light came on... we didn't know what the problem was.

2. My car overheated.

3. N's car refused to start. We found out today that it needs a starter which will cost a few hundred bucks.

4. N's computer died - completely.

5. Of course, there is the problem with the musicians that still hasn't been resolved.

6. We found out that we got a class for the summer... which is great, we need the money... but the class starts on May 29th. We, of course, are not going to be in town because we are getting married on June 2. No biggie, right, we ask for a sub for three days of class and agree to be back by Monday, June 4th to pick up the classes. WRONG. Huge biggie. So now, we have to drive 5 hours back from WV on Tuesday, 05/29 to teach a three hour class and then teach on Wednesday and Thursday and then drive 5 hours back home, two days before the wedding to deal with all the final stress. And then right after we get married - no honeymoon - we have to drive 5 hours back home to teach as soon as we arrive.

7. Still no word from any other jobs.

8. The mother's day card I sent to my mom was returned to sender for too little postage.

This list could continue.

And although I could use some good news right now, I have to remember:

Sock Knockin' Songs

Mary tagged me again. :) I always loved playing tag as a child. We'd play freeze tag and even stranger -- TV tag. Did anyone else play this? Or were we just weird?

Anyway, as I was saying, Mary tagged me to name five songs that knock my socks off. This was incredibly hard for me because I love music and a new song is knocking my socks off all the time. Also, my taste in music is very eclectic. I LOVE my 80s music. I love my early 90s music (I could dance to MC Hammer and Ace of Base all night long). I love my ballads. I love it all!!! But... I think I've narrowed it down to five that clearly represent my taste in music and the type of music that makes me sing along/dance like a wild woman. I've included a video for each song incase your feet are hot and you need your socks knocked off too.

1. Radiohead--"Fake Plastic Trees" Strangely enough, I just posted this video the other day, so if you want to watch it just scroll down a little bit.

2. Wilco--"Spiders" This video isn't the best, but it is the only one I could find.


3. Queen--"Bohemian Rhapsody I just love this song.


4. Regina Spektor--"Samson" Beautiful Beautiful Beautiful. Regina is beautiful and so is her music.


5. Whitesnake--"Still of the Night" I love hairbands.


So there you have it. I could probably post a hundred more songs that knock my socks off... but these are the five definitive songs.

I'm tagging Amy, Amanda, Abby and Eduardo. Good Luck! This is a hard one.

Is this fair?

When we hired the musicians for the ceremony, I requested that we meet once prior to the wedding, perhaps at the rehearsal. After all this was discussed, we were given a price and everything was jovial. Last night, I called him to discuss arrangements for him to come to the rehearsal. According to him, now I owe him double. He says that the rehearsal counts as another gig and therefore we should pay him double, even though I don't want him to play every song... just set up and make sure we all know our cues.

Am I wrong to feel offended by this?

What's in my head

is now in yours. (But don't worry, it's a fantastic song.)

13 Poets

I am "it!" Mary Biddinger has tagged me.

Say someone asked me, "I kind of like poetry, but I don't know anything about contemporary poetry. Who should I read?"

No blog friends
No real-life friends
No real-life mentors
Alive as of this writing

I'd say, in no particular order:

1. Laura Mullen
2. Molly Bendall
3. Carl Phillips
4. Louise Mathias
5. Lesle Lewis
6. Ann Townsend
7. Denise Duhamel
8. Brigit Pegeen Kelly
9. Tony Hoagland
10. Brenda Hillman
11. Matthea Harvey
12. Carla Harryman
13. Olena Kalytiak Davis

I really enjoyed writing this list. These authors are all simply stunning writers, each in a very unique way. It's fun to try to imagine an anthology that included only these authors... what a great read it would be. I wouldn't put it down.

Gerald, Abby, Julie, my new friend Brent,and Cornshake consider yourself tagged.

Update

Kitsch is fine. The house is fine.

Tornadoes scare the wonkers out of me. I'm from a very hilly state, where tornadoes only come once every few years. Here, it seems like there are watches and warnings all the time. But last night was scary because I was worried that my cat would either get hurt... or, if a window broke, get outside. Since he's a hairless cat - being outside is a bad idea.

But, aside from a few smooshed tulips and ripped leaves, everything around here looks okay.

Storm

Terrified doesn't cut it right now. My cat is at home alone. My house is made of windows. Nick and I are at work. There have been tornadoes touching down all around us. A tornado just touched down near our house. And now I just saw on the "doppler" radar that there are six or seven touch downs near my house.

This picture was taken in Wood County, near my house.















Did I mention that one entire side of my small house is made of windows. And that my cat is all alone. And that there are trees all around our house. And a giant field across the street.

I'm terrified.

If you pray... pray for my cat. If you don't pray... wish my cat well.