I feel like such an idiot, because I just keep going on and on about being sick. People come up to me (who don't know I'm sick) and ask the standard, "Hey, how are you?" and rather than respond with a normal... "I'm fine, how are you?" I answer something like "Eh... not so good." and then go into some spiel about what's going on in my medical life... as if they want to know... or even care for that matter. I feel like a real loser sometimes.
And yet... I'm going to blog about being sick anyway...
So, yesterday I had my CAT scan. I went there thinking that I would just have to drink some nasty concoction and then go into a tube... but no... I had to have an IV. (Bear in mind that I am DEATHLY afraid of needles.) So they give me this thing, I'm crying like an infant, and just as the pain is getting a little better the woman says - "We are going to put the dye in you now... it might feel warm." Next thing I know... it feels like I pee'd myself. I thought I was dying. I was sure that whatever she put into me gave me some allergic reaction and I was unable to control my bladder and was just about to die. But I didn't die. And I didn't pee myself. It was just the crazy heat of the dye that made me feel that way.
Today, I went in for the results of the CAT scan and the blood tests. The doctor informed me that there was nothing wrong with my liver, according the blood tests, but that my triglycerides and cholesterol were high. He said it is best to be under 200 and my cholesterol was up to 250. But he said my good cholesterol was good enough to not worry about it for now.
Then onto the CAT scan results. "No pulmonary embolism" he said, while smiling. "So your results came back very positive. But we did find a 9mm nodule in your lung that could be cancerous, so we'll just do a PET scan in three months to make sure it isn't. But don't worry. It's probably nothing. I would only worry if you were 40-50 years old and a smoker."
Don't Worry!!!!??? How am I supposed to not worry after you tell me it could be cancerous.... and that I have to wait THREE months to find out!!!
Oh well. I'm going to try to not worry about it. I don't smoke, so it seems improbable that I would have lung cancer... though my grandpa did die of lung cancer... but he worked in the mines, so... I don't know. I have a lot of crap running through my head right now.
So... I didn't get to go out with our visiting writer, Tony Tost, tonight, because I can't be around the cigarette smoke until I know for sure what's going on.
To top off all of this - my rib still hurts like a mother. It is a lot better than it was... but it does still hurt with too much movement or while lying down.
Anyway... I'm going to try to keep my health out of my interpersonal relationships and just be normal. I don't want to be "that girl who's always complaining."
On the bright side -- I picked up Tony Tost today, and the conversation was nice. He's a great poet and his reading went really smoothly and was very interesting. His 1001 sentences piece is really intriguing. I look forward to reading that in a manuscript soon.