Friday, June 16, 2006

I'm just feeling gushy at the moment...

A year and a half ago when I was going through one of the worst times of my life... I never would have guessed that I would be where I am today.

I guess I should give some of the backstory -- About a year and a half ago, give or take a month or two, I was cheated on. It really devestated me and turned me into the type of person that I never thought I could become... I was jealous, depressed, angry and had no idea what to do or how to handle the situation. I thought of calling the other girl and telling her because I didn't know if she was aware... but I could never bring myself to actually say anything. I thought of doing the crazy things to myself that depression makes people think of doing. I was utterly destroyed because I felt like the almost 4 years that I spent with that person were all worthless. And I felt all these things for such a long time... Actually, until August of last year.

In August, 2005, I began hanging out with Nicholas a lot more. We became closer friends and I started to realize that it was possible to be happy again. Nicholas saved my life -- I truly believe that... I know, I know, it sounds cheesy and cliche - but I was alone all the time merely stewing in my depression and Nicholas brought me out of it. He made me laugh -- those BIG belly laughs that last for minutes and minutes. He made me feel like me again, and slowly taught me that I could trust him. Now, we are engaged and preparing to spend the rest of our lives together. I couldn't possibly be happier.

And my relationship with Nicholas isn't the only wonderful thing happening in my life. I now, as you know from my previous post, have a job. I will be teaching next fall ... and I was so worried that I wasn't going to find anything.

To top it all off... We are trying to buy a house! Yes... that's right. We are trying to buy a house in this beautiful, amazing, fantastic small town just south of BG. It is the cutest house ever. It has 3 bedrooms and 1 1/2 bathrooms, hardwood floors in the dining room and bedrooms, new kitchen features and a two car garage. It is two stories and simply, the most decadent little dream cottage in the world. I want so badly to set up my little office and write my butt off in that house.

I don't really know why I feel so compelled to write all of this. I mean... I no longer harbor any bad feelings toward anyone involved in the past incident. I'm friends with my ex. and I wish him and his girlfriend all the happiness that I feel with Nicholas right now, sincerely. I don't feel depressed anymore. I don't feel anxious about my future right now. I guess... I'm just plain happy... and it feels so good I want to share it with everyone, because I know what it feels like to think that nothing is going to turn out right, to feel like it is impossible to do anything that you love, to feel lost, hopeless... in all situations: love, work, play, even just plain "being." I know that the future is going to rough in spots -- hell, I'll probably be complaining and worrying about something tomorrow... but it is so important to not take for granted the times when things are going just right. When everything seems hopeless or like things are never going to get better... wait it out. It may take months, it might seem like things are bad for the longest time... But every minute that I spent in agony is worth it to feel as good as I do right now.


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