Monday, September 25, 2006

"You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have..."

Sometimes I feel like I'm teetering on the edge. Today, I cried over a hamburger. Honestly, today was wonderful... I got so much accomplished. And yet, dropping a hamburger in the sink was enough to make me have a minor nervous breakdown.

Food is very important to me. It makes me happy - it tastes good, it feels good to be full, it smells good, it's pretty... it just has everything that something good should have. So, today I was going to make steaks for dinner, but when I opened them I noticed they had spoiled. This alone was enough to make me mildly upset - they were not very old and were fine yesterday, they should not have gone bad so quickly. I was forced to throw them away. My alternative was hamburgers.

I spent a long time seasoning them just right and patting them out into perfect little circles brushed with sauce and glistening in the pan. I was already salivating - and by that point, there is no turning back for me. When I spend that much time preparing and desiring the food -- that's what I want. But when I noticed a little bit too much grease and went to drain it out of the pan ... PLOP! One of my burgers fell into a bowl of dirty water.

I seriously lost all control of myself and just started crying. Poor Nick. He tried to console me, but to him it was all quite funny... and who can blame him. I mean, picture it... I'm crying because I dropped a burger.

But to me, it's like having that car that you've been wanting for a long time sitting in your driveway and just as you're about to take it for a spin, a semi hits it and renders it useless. A weird analogy I know, but so accurate for me.

Food should clearly not be this important to me... that's probably why I've been having trouble with my weight. But I can't seem to help myself.


However, I did have a wonderful day otherwise. I mailed out my manuscript today, a thank you card and the rent check. I made it to the bank in time to make a deposit that was needed. I graded an entire two classes worth of papers (one class of final drafts and another class of small writing assignments) and I found a new television show that I like (Hello - HEROES is a great new show in my opinion... it's got the drama and the little bit of unbelievability that makes for good tv.)


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