An actual interaction I just had with a student:

Male Student: *knocks at door and comes in* Hey.

Me: Hey. (Long Pause) Can I help you with something?

Student: Uh. Yeah. Could you look over my paper and tell me if it's right.

Me: You know that the rough draft for this paper was due two weeks ago and I've already commented and passed them back to everyone, right?

Student: Yeah. Could you look it over?

Me: You know that according to my policy, you can't receive credit for late work, right?

Student: Yeah. Could you look it over?

Me: Here, let me take a quick look. (I looked it over, told him what elements were off and then expected our "conference" to be over)

Student: (Standing now, in the doorway) Hey.

Me: Yeah?

Student: How many absences do I have? Please say three and not four. I don't want penalized for the fourth absence.

Me: Let me check. Well, my gradebook says you have three, but I haven't put Mondays attendence in yet. Were you here on Monday?

Student: Yeah, of course.

Me: Let me check the attendance sheet that I passed out just to be sure.

Student: Oh. Maybe I wasn't here.

Me: Nope, I don't have you down. That means you have four absences. You understand the attendance policy, right?

Student: Yes. Can I make up days? Can we meet or something so I can get credit for attendance?

Me: (Dumbfounded...) Um. No. I'm sorry, you cannot meet with me on a separate day to receive an attendance credit.

Student: I don't have the heart to ask you this other question.

Me: What?

Student: I don't think I'm going to be in class today. Can I complete the assignment at home.

Me: (Extremely dumbfounded...) No. I'm sorry. You realize that class starts in only 20 minutes. Why don't you come and complete the assignment?

Student: My ex-girlfriend has a tumor in her face.

Me: I'm sorry to hear that.

Student: So, I shouldn't miss today?

Me: That's up to you, but you will then have five absences which means your letter grade will drop twice at the end of the semester. And, you will miss the twenty point activity that we are doing in class.

Student: Bye.

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*sigh* This is my life.

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